Heartless
by mundus auctoris
Summary: What were Johanna Mason's life before the games?why she has no one left to care about? The story of Johanna. Starting from  hunger games, and ends a few years after the revlution. Please Review! New chapter at least once a week!
1. Chapter 1

"Joe. Wake up! You are going to be late for school!" My mother yells.

"Mom, school doesn't start at 7:AM." I yell back. Anyhow, on the week before the reaping, no decent teacher will give a damn if I'm late. They treat all the students nicely, because it might be the last time they'll get the chance to. I drag myself out of bed, tired and already wanting this day to end. I pick up a shirt from floor and a pair of pants from my desk.

My mother says I could be really gorgeous if I took care of myself better.

I personally have no interest of making myself look pretty.

Before I go downstairs I check with my twin little sisters. Like I thought, they are still sleeping. I smile to myself. This is my favorite part of morning.

"The aliens are coming! Wake up!" I yell in a frantic voice. Leah and Alexa wake up that instant.

"What shall we do Captain?" Lila smiles and salutes me.

"I'm going to... Tickle you to make them run!" I start to tickle both of them, not an easy task considering they are both trying to escape. They laugh and try to push my away, but I am too strong for them. Eventually, I let them go, after their faces are blushed form all the laughing and screaming.

"I like waking up this way." Leah says after she catches her breath. She then sits on her knees, waiting for me to braid her hair. At first I braided her hair so we could tell who is Leah and who is Alexa, because they look so alike. But then, in her ten birthday, Alexa cut her hair short. But Leah liked the braiding thing so much, that it never stooped.

"So, what are you up to today?" I ask as I braid Leah's hair.

"Well, I've been planning to visit Megan after school." Alexa says.

"What about you? What will you do?" Leah shrugs. She's not like Alexa, she's more like me. Neither of us us good around people. We like to be alone. Or with each other.

"Don't know. Probably read or something."

"Joe! Come down! Now!" My mother screams again. I roll my eyes.

"Fine. Be there in a sec." I mumble.

I finish braiding Leah's hair, and kiss them both on the cheek.

They giggle and hug me back.

"Bye Joey!" They both call to me as I close the door. I sigh. I hate that nickname.

Only my sisters can call me like that. And survive.

I roll my eyes and run downstairs. My mother waits for me. The breakfast is already on the table, fresh and warm. Since my father is a welder we live in the better side of town.

He sells and designs axes for the richer people.

I sit next to my mother and start to eat. She's only sipping her tea and stares at the floor.

"Did you brush your hair?" She suddenly asks. I shrug and I continue to eat. She takes another glance at me and sighs.

"I wasn't like that when I was your age. It must be from your father's side." She mumbles to her self. I look nothing like my mother. And she doesn't hide he disappointment from that.

"I guess so." I answer to her. She checks her view in the mirror and sighs again.

"Oh, those damn wrinkles. You know, I've heard that in the Capitol they have something that makes them vanish." She tells me in a dreamy voice.

"I've heard they kill children every year. But wait..."

"Johanna!" My mother knocks her fists in the table. That kind of talking is not allowed. My mother strongly believes that the Capitol knows best.

She watches the games religiously every year.

"Sorry mom." I mutter. She nods at my direction, not saying a word. My mother sighs and closes he eyes.

"Fine. I forgive you. Just don't forget about the party we are having next week. Everyone who's anyone will be there. That means your little friend can't come."

She's referring of course to my best friend, Adam. Every year my mother holds a big party to celebrate the games. And every year Adam helps me to sneak out.

I hate those parties. Celebrating the fact that children are going to get killed. You'd think that people would think the same. But they don't. In fact this partyis the highlight of the reaping. Few weeks before the party every girl at school tries to be my best friend, just to get invited. Its really stupid, thinking about it. I could be reaped, and my mother celebrating it? Its too twistet for me.

"Of course." I mumble.

* * *

"Hey.. Whats up dude?" Adam smiles to me. He sits next to me. I smile back.

"Fine. My mother is going crazy though." I smirk.

"What did Sandra do this time?" He raises his eyebrow.

"She tried to make me brush my hair!" I say dramatically.

"Why?"

"She says I'm not pretty enough." I fake a sigh. He laughs.

"Oh please. Half of the boys in school has a crush on you!" He calls.

"Yeah right. Bet you can't say one!" I roll my eyes. Adam shrugs ans says nothing.

Adam is my best friend ever since we were little. He is two years older than me, and like me, he used to be on the better side of town until his brother, Nate, committed suicide when he was reaped to the hunger games. His family never recovered. His father became a morphine addict, and his mother never leaves the house. I guess I am pretty lucky comparing to Adam. I have a normal father, and.. I have a mother. And of course I have two beautiful sisters. But I'm still terrified of the day they'll turn twelve.

"I can't believe this is my last year for the reaping though." Adam smiles to me.

He can't go to the games. His parents will lose any chance they have left to recover.

"I know. Lucky baster!" I mumble. He looks at me suddenly, concerned.

"But both Alexa and Leah will join the reaping ball next year, won't they?" He seems to realize it for the first time. I nod and sigh.

"Its just not fair, you know? They are too young to be dealing with this." And they are.

They won't survive the games. Alexa is tough, but she has so much mercy in her.

She cried her eyes out when our neighbor died. And she never talked to him. I don't believe she'll be able to kill someone with her bare hands. And even if she will, the guilt will kill her. Leah on the other hand is more like me. But she has troubles with her breathing.

She can't run much or fight without taking a half hour break. She'll be gone in no time.

"How to people mange to live with this fear?" I ask myself more than I ask Adam.

"I don't know. I think people can forget some thing if they try really hard." He says in a harsh tone. He is of course referring to his mother, who sometimes forgets her second son is dead, and spends hours waiting for him to come back.

I say nothing, because there is nothing to say. I could say I'm sorry but we both know its not enough. I could tell him that everything will be alright. But I can't. Although I am pretty good lair, I can't lie to Adam. He knows me too well. Instead, I put my hand on his shoulder. He caresses my hand with his and closes his eyes. I know he is thinking about his lost brother. Nate was a good friend of mine. He was smart and sweet and couldn't harm a fly. He had no chance. He killed himself the moment he entered the arena.

Its really unbelievable how easily a person could be forgotten. At the first few days people came to comfort the family, give them food and a sad smile. But after a month Nate was old news. He was replaced in his work, his girlfriend moved on... Besides Adam's broken family it was like he never was here.

Nate and Adam were never really close to each other. They were completely different in fact. On the day of the reaping they had a huge fight. Adam told Nate that he wishes they weren't brothers. I never knew what the fight was about. But I know Adam feels incredibly guilty, even though he said sorry before Nate left. Adam and I just know thing about each other. Words are not needed in out case. We understand each perfectly without them.

Adam opens his eyes and releases himself from my grip.

"You shouldn't feel sorry for me so much. I'm fine." He says in a cold voice. Like my. He doesn't like feeling pitied.

"I can reassure you this. I am not." I smirk at him. It seems so relax him and he put his hand around my shoulder.

"Sorry Joe. I guess I was..."

"An idiot? Yeah you were. Never mind that. I forgive you." I pinch his arm and he laughs.

"I am sure glad. I would probably died if you didn't."

"Yeah. You probably would. Lucky for you I am a compassionate person."

He then burst into laugh and I join him.


	2. part 1 chapter 2

One day only until the reaping. Everyone seems to be nicer to each other. Like my history teacher, Alona. All year along she had been bugging me about my grades and my behavior, telling me I am the worse student she ever had. But now she is actually smiling to me when I said I didn't do my homework.

"Never mind sweetie," she says kindly. "You will do it next time, right?" She winks at me. I feel sick to my stomach. What a hypocrite. Just because I might be dead in a few weeks you're being nice to me? I would rather that you would just tell me to drop dead. Then I will know that you really mean it.

Since I was a girl I always hated being lied to. When I found out where do children come from, I was so angry at my parents, for telling me that you plant baby seeds in the earth and then wait for nine months. Since then, I swore I will never tell a lie, unless I can help it. So most of the people don't like being around me. I am too honest. Even Adam think so sometimes. But I don't care. If they can't handle the truth, there's no need to shove it in their faces. Not that I am not doing that whenever I have the chance, but still. Who am I to force my presence on other people? If they don't like me it's their problem, not mine. Because if I happen to like you, and if I happen to care for you, I will always do my best to protect you, and I would give everything, even my life, to keep you safe.

It's true that I don't really care for many people. Only four at the moment. Leah, Alexa, Adam, Adam's mother Caroline, And my father. But he is too drunk most of times to notice.

You might have noticed that my mother never made it to this little list of mine. And the reason why is that I have no affection left for her. Ever since she told Adam and Nate's mother she should be ashamed of her son, for killing himself in the arena, only three days after he died. Ever since I just can't bring myself to love her. Even I, think it lacks of any tact.. There's a different between being honest and just being a jerk.

"Joe! Come down here! You have school in fifteen minuets!"

Yeah, like I give a damn. No one will care if I am in or out of class. Just as long as I won't bump into one of those idiot peace keepers.

"I am not going!" I yell back to my mother. I still lie in bed, trying to drift back to my dreams. Unfortunately my mother and I don't share the same thought.

"Johanna Mason! You come down here right now! You better don't make me come up!"

"But mom..."

"JOHANNA!"

"Yeah I know. I'll be ready in a sec." I mumble to myself. I really don't want to go to school today. The classes when the reaping is close, is usually just about Panem's history and just an excuse to justify the hunger games. It goes something like this: "Before the Capitol entered into our life, everyone were miserable. We had no meaning to our life. We should be thankful for the Capitol, for saving us from hunger (yeah right) and chaos."

Unlike these idiot fools in my class, I ain't buying it.

I refuse to blindly accept anything I am being told, just because I don't know any other truths.

"Johanna," I can hear my mother whispers harshly behind my bedroom door, "You have two minuets to get out of this house or I swear in the Capitol will turn you in my self to the peacekeepers!

"I love you too mother." I mutter sarcastically. She does not answer me. After a few seconds I can hear her footstep slowly fading. I roll my eyes and finally get out of bed unwillingly.

I don't need more than a few moments to be ready. Again, I don't brush my hair. But this time, I am not just being lazy, its my own way to take back at my mother. I don't bother to say "good day" to her, and just take the back door. But instead of going to school, I decide to check on Caroline, Adam's mother. You would accept Caroline to hate me, for being Sandra's girl, yet she still loves me.

She is like a mother to me, since my own doesn't care if I live or die.

When I go the Adam's and Caroline's house I must carefully plan my way. If I am not careful, some stupid peacekeeper can find me and take me "down town". Of course, the won't do anything to me beyond admonish me. They can't take the chance I might be chosen to the games. And no one in the Capitol would think my wounds are sexy. But when I think about it, who knows what goes on in the Capitol right now? For all I know, maybe a cut hand is the new fashion.

I quickly pass the hangout place of the peacekeepers, and run down the dusty streets and almost get caught twice. Yet I am too fast and sneaky for them to catch me.

After a few exciting minuets of playing "cats and mice" I finally arrive to the Lockwood house.

"Dearie! What are you doing here?" I hear Caroline voice both happy and worried as she hugs me.

"I didn't feel like going to school."

"You and Adam... I swear. Sometimes I think you have some sort of mine connection." I assume she is referring to the fact we both didn't go to school.

"He has a job already, doesn't he? So it doesn't matter to him." I remind her. I should know. I've been training with his ax for fun these days. I am actually better in this than he is. She sighs.

"Yeah. He is going to be a lamberjack. Its not much... he could have done so much more."

"Like what mom? A doctor? We already have one. They don't need me. What they need here is hard workers. So here I am." only then he notices I that I am in his house.

"Oh Adam! You forgot your shirt! You must be freezing!" I tease him. He frowns at me, and both Caroline and I starts to laugh.

"Hey there Joe. Is that how you greet your best friend?"

"Sorry, sorry." I smile and give him a quick hug.

"You look like hell." He declares after taking one look at me.

He, on the other hand, looks annoyingly beautiful.

His midnight black hair that falls on his green eyes carelessly ,and high cheek bones that always look like they are hiding a huge smile behind them. Most of the girls, and some of the guys, think he is hot. I think he is okay. To be honest, he is not my taste. I don't know what my taste is, or even if I have one, but I know he does not apply. Everyone thinks or used to anyways, that we are a couple, because there aren't many friendshis here bwteen girls and boys. So everyone assumed we are togther. So we tricked everyone and pretened and broke a huge fake fight in the middle of the street. He yelled that I am too girly for him, And I said he is too jerky for me. Since then everyone knows we are just friends. And I know for a fact thathe wants some girl named River. But he is too shy, even though he could get any girl he wants. (not icluding me, of cousre. We are like silibings.)

"Yeah. I came straight from my home. That must be why." I answer to him.

"Oh I'm sorry hon," He hugs my shoulder and sighs.

"Well I'm going upstairs. I have a headic. Please come on in. I don't want any of these rats finding you here. Goodbye Joey. It was nice to see you." She kisses my forehead and almost run back in.

"The days before the reaping are the worst." He sighs.

"She seems alright." I comment.

"Only for a few moments everyday. You were lucky."

"Well... This is your last year. There won't be any pressure for her starting next year."

"No... you'd still be around." He reminds me. "You are like a daughter to her. She won't be relived. Not until three years from now."

We walk to his living room with silence. We both sit on the couch and I lay my head on his chest.

"I will never have children. Never." He promises again.

"Fine with me."

"No, I really mean it. I don't know why would any person bring children to this horrible world."

"You wish you were never born or something? Cause maybe I can do something about that..." He looks at me angrily.

"I mean it Joe. I see what it does to my mother. To everyone. Every year its the same torture over and over again. And about your question, yes." He looks away and sighs.

"Yes what?"

"Sometimes I wish I was never born."

Man I hate when he talks all serious and stuff. It really takes the fun of a conversion.

"But then you remember me, your wonderful and lovely friend and realize your just being an idiot?" I guess with a smile, begging him to change the tone.

"No. Then I remember Andrea and everything in my life is right again." He chuckles. Andrea is our own private joke. She is the librarian and she has a crush on Adam since the tenth grade.

"Maybe we should get married." He suddenly says. We look at each other, and burst into laugh.

"Yeah right! We would kill each other in a day." He says.

"A day? Oh please. We won't last a second." I correct him.

"Why? Why you are so cruel? You break my heart into pieces."

"Well now after I broke your heart you can finally ask River out..." I say casually. He blushes and stares at the floor. Its very sweet, how he is in love with a girl he never talked to. River is a fifteen year old from the higher part of our district. He has been in love with her for like two years. But he thinks she is too good for him.

"You cowrad. Just ask her out." I beg.

"Not untill she is eighteen. So that I know I won't loose her."

"Just one date..."

"NO!"

"Idiot. What if someone else will catch her?" I ask. he sighs.

"Then he will be the luckiest guy on earth."

"So why can't it be you?"

"Joe, I am a lumberjack. And she is..."

"Yeah I know. She is the perfingly perfect. You may not be perfect, but you are a good guy. And I can't say these on most of the guys I've met here."

I stay there for as long as I can. Which is until seven pm, before the lock down. In our lovely district, if you get caught outside after seven... lets just say you will have a shiny new bruise on your face.

I've heard that in some districts, like 4, you can be outside as long as you want, as long as you don't go out fishing or whatever. And in district 12, you can do anything you want, if you give the peacekeeper a bribe. But since I am not some poor baster from 12, I have to leave. And since tomorrow is the reaping, I want to say goodbye to my family. Just in case. I know my mother knows that I ditched school when she asks my me how way my day. I smile bitterly and replay that it was great, and I've learned a lot of new things.

* * *

The next day is the reaping. This is the only day in the year that I have to do my best to look nice. I brush my long hair for the first time in months, not an easy task considering my brush is very tender and breaks every few seconds. Finally. After a half and hour of brushing till' tears appear in my eyes, my hair is smooth and silky. Gross. I wear a sleeveless light brown dress, with a wight leather belt. I wear the necklace Nate gave me, just before he went to the hunger games. I come down stairs. Both of my sisters are there, waiting for me.

"Joey! You are so pretty!" Leah calls and looks at me with her big eyes.

"You look good for a change." My mother mumbles. My father just nods his head and winks at me. He is not much of talker.

"I made you some breakfast!" Alexa smiles to me. I am terrified for a moment, since Alexa is the worst cook ever.

"Don't worry. I helped her." Leah reads my thoughts. I breath in relief. This could be my last meal in my home for crying out loud! I should be treated as a quine.

"We've made you some eggs and salad." My mother informs me.

Okay, that will do.

I eat slowly, trying to treasure every bite.

Everyone looks at me, and for some reason I don't care that they are staring at me instead of eating. I am really hungry.

After a while, we are called to approach to the building of justice for the reaping. I am supposed to go right to my section, the sixteen year olds. But instead I stop by at Adam's section to wish him good luck.

"You look pretty for once. Almost didn't recognize you there for a moment." He teases me.

"Thank you. I wish you good luck and I hope you won't die." I say and run back to my section. This may sound strange but I know that Adam is laughing his lungs out right now. Audrina Clafor is talking, (not before a very long speech of the mayor and about the dark days) Audrina looks like she is in her early twenties, but she has been reading the names of the reaping since I can remember. Must be a Capitol thing.

"HEELLOOO!" She sings. Man I hate her.

"We are here to enjoy the thrilling hunger games! Without further due, we will read the names. Shall we?"

She goes to the boys ball first.

"Not Adam, please not Adam..." I mumble.

"Roy Lendor!" She yells. I don't care for the boy. All I know that he is out of the danger. A huge relief feels me and I feel happy for once. I see Adam smiling at me.

"And now for the girls..." She picks a random card and opens it slowly. Man how long is it going to be? I am so bored...

"And out presenter from the girls is... Johanna Mason."


End file.
